I don't think anyone besides matt reads this....

I don't have a Tyler in my life...well as a bf. It's complicated, but he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me any time soon. I don't have many things.......except that I'm beginning to see my life in a positive manner again. I suppose my friendships are blossoming in some regards, and I'm learning how to be on my own again.

I just want to continue growing as a person......somewhere between graduating High school and ending my relationship with Tyler, I seemed to think love was enough to live for. I suppose I always have.

Some part of me still does, but I see that you have to love yourself first before anyone else will. That's a tough one....I'm not interesting enough for myself. I get bored all the time. Somehow I think this journey of feeling fulfilled in happiness, love, and life is going to take a long time. *sigh*

I would really like to be closer friends to the people I already have. I've been trying with Danny, but I think it causes him pain. He already has a hard time with his dad's situation, but then the fact that he wants to be there for me more then a friend......well, I know how it feels. You think telling a person that you love them as hard.........try loving someone who doesn't love you back.

I have been able to hang out with Rei more, but she probably just thinks that I hang out with her because i have no one else and because I can have fun shopping with her. I do have fun. I just wish she would be able to open up more in some ways. It's weird......I seem to surround myself with people who don't open up very well. Then again neither do I, but I've known these people for years.......You have to open up sometime, otherwise how are you to be satisfied that people know you and wont hurt you.

But I have been able to talk to Rei with somethings. I think we are starting something here.....

Usagi and I haven't talked to since I told her about Tyler and I.........that was in September. But she hasn't tried to talk to me, so if she's fine with that. It's not like I'm in any place interesting and have new stuff to discuss all the time......it's just that I've known her the longest but she never has really felt the need to talk to me about anything, or ask me to do anything, Usagi just expects others to come to her, and I guess that works for her.

That's not me though. I talk to people, and I end up being the only person who starts the conversations to me.......It's really sad. I just want sometimes to be on someone else's mind.

*sigh*

*sleeps*

Night all!